Icewine Rose (boogirl220) wrote,
Icewine Rose

Cult Time!

Originally published at Icewine Rose. You can comment here or there.

I got a letter from Jehovah’s Witnesses!

Or, rather, my dad got a letter from JW, because why send the letter to the whole family when you can send it directly to the one who matters?

Or maybe he didn’t, cause the address sticker has some really weird errors. For one thing, they spelled last name wrong.

We have the same last name, so I’m not sure how to phrase this. Grammar is weird.

They also seem to think that my dad has two middle names. Like, it’s put “John M Middlename Doe” on the envelope. I’m not sure if whoever sent this is under the impression this is how one should format a middle name on a letter or if they’ve recorded my dad in whatever files they may or may not have with two middle names. Either way, it’s very wrong.

Enough about the envelope, what’s in the letter itself?

A letter written with the Bradley Hand font that comes with Word.
A letter written with the Bradley Hand font that comes with Word.

Transcript and responses below:

[Dear Neighbor,]
Hello Comrade.
[I hope this letter finds you and your family well. There is so much happening in the world today, that many of our friends and neighbors are asking this question - 'who is responsible for all the suffering in the world?']
That is quite the question. Hmm… I would have to argue that we are the cause of our own suffering as we are cognizant enough to perceive it… but I doubt that’s the answer you were hoping for.

[The answer can be found and it might surprise you.]
Plot twist: The cause of all evil was the bible the whole time! Dun dun duuuun!
[In 1John 5:19 says, 'We know that we originate with God, but the whole world is lying in the wicked one.' Yes! Satan the devil is causing all this suffering.]

But seriously, though. Why do so many uber-religious people think that no one but them has heard of the basic tenents of Christianity? It’d be one thing if they were telling us about how they think armageddon is right around the corner or anything beyond “Yo, what if the devil was behind evil? You ever thought about that?” but nooooo.

[Our loving God would never cause suffering.]
No, he’s just going to kill everyone who didn’t gamble on your religion during the end times with fireballs and shit.
[I have enclosed a tract to answer more questions.]
Good Omens David Tennant GIF from Goodomens GIFs
[To find out what God is going to do to end all the suffering.]
Good Omens Crowley Good Omens GIF from Goodomens GIFs
[Please use your Bible to look up the text.]
Fun fact: the bible1 Should this be capitalized? Whatever. I’ve got on my bookshelf is one I stole from a motel because that specific one also provided a Book of Mormon, which I also took.
[Also for more information you can visit the website:]
I’d recommend you check out Telltale Atheist‘s YouTube channel, as I find it more informative.
[May you and your family gain God's blessing.]
Because the Watchtower is in desperate need of money from racking up fines from the government for withholding the names of pedophiles in their congregations.

Did they include anything else?


Below I’ve included my annotated pamphlet displaying the evils of operatic priests, puppeteers, and politics, among other things. They also included a smaller pamphlet, but it had information on the specific location and how to go to meetings and stuff and not really worth riffing on.


Tags: good omen gifs, jw, letters, personal, propaganda, ugh, watchtower

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